Saint Valentine's Day Massacre
From SWILwiki
Every year on 14 February, SWIL reenacts the St. Valentine's Day massacre in Sharples at 6pm, to the amusement and bewilderment of all.
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Historical Background
On February 14th, 1929, Al Capone had a bunch of goons shoot down Bugs Moran and friends in a garage somewhere in Chicago. This was known as the Saint Valentine's Day Massacre, and this paragraph would be more interesting if this weren't a stub. Wikipedia knows more.
Re-enactment
At some point Swarthmore (note, not SWIL, especially since this was before 1979) picked this up and made it a tradition. In 1983 (or 1987, the Timeline disagrees with itself), SWIL took over running it, and has done so ever since. The immortal line, "Die, you gravy-sucking pigs", was first uttered by Matt Katinsky in 1986.
The Massacre as currently performed takes place on February 14th, at 6:00 pm, in Sharples, in the middle room. Ten or so nicely dressed shady characters (the "victrons") are invited to a nice dinner party, with (sometimes) music, a tablecloth, waiters (the "waitrons"), menus, the works, where they converse politely in as close to character as they can muster. They do this until the belltower strikes 6, at which point a gang of trenchcoated thugs (the "thugtrons") bursts in the back door, utters a few now-immortal lines, and kills all of them.
Sometimes someone has a camera, or we sneak a Phoenix reporter into the mix, and there are pictures. Alex Leader-Smith, for instance, was famously pressured into participating in the Massacre two years in a row despite his non-(real)-involvement with SWIL, first being actively involved by actually playing the "role" of a society-page reporter covering the victrons' "banquet" for a local newspaper, and surviving the Massacre to tell the tale in the Phoenix, then, the second year, being dragged forcibly from his own table to the Massacre and summarily shot for "revealing Big Al's secrets to the press". (This was part of a general campaign to make involving Alex Leader-Smith in SWIL a "tradition" on the part of Arthur, on the grounds that if it happens twice it's traditional.)
The Massacre's primary purpose is to impress Campus by creating an atmospheric, formal dining environment at once integrated with and at odds with the somewhat saccharine "romantic" decorations and theme the Sharples staff traditionally puts up every year on Feb. 14, then violently disrupting it. As SWIL has put it in the past, the Massacre is one of SWIL's ways of celebrating a major holiday in a way orthogonal to its traditional role, in this case celebrating Valentine's Day as a commemoration of the "coolness of watching gangsters be murdered by other gangsters".
Impromptu participation by bystanders is not encouraged, though it does happen, such as when Alex was literally dragged into the Massacre his second year -- however, thugtrons are very strongly encouraged to avoid firing upon bystanders, as this may not only alarm them but destroy the verisimilitude of the event when they refuse to fall over (see the murky and oft-mangled story of the "A Cappella Group That Would Not Die").
Running the Massacre
A signup sheet for parts should be passed around during one of the first few meetings of the spring semester. The parts available are thugtrons, victrons, and waitrons. There should be five to seven thugtrons, nine to twelve victrons, and two or three waitrons. It's a good idea to mention the massacre briefly before winter break, so that people (especially frosh) can bring appropriate clothing back to school with them. Recruit frosh to be waitrons - they don't object (much) and generally do a good job. We've used the casual rules that no one should have to be waitron twice, and that seniors get their first choice.
Victrons
Female victrons should wear their best approximation of '20s style clothing. Male victrons should wear nice shirts and pants, and possibly jackets. Fedoras and/or trenchcoats are acceptable, too.
Victrons should meet at the upstairs checker at about 5:15 or 5:20 (or whenever the waitrons tell them to) to scan their cards. One of the waitrons should meet them and show them to their table. At the table, waitrons will take orders and go get food. Note that, since this is Valentine's Day, the food will probably include really awesome desserts.
The suggestion has been made in recent years that the victrons should do some advance preparation for the massacre, since they have to sit in the middle room and be in character for about half an hour prior to being massacred. Victron is usually cited as the most fun and involved part of the Massacre, as the primary point of the Massacre is to create the surreal atmosphere of a genteel, opulent 1920s banquet that is suddenly disrupted by violence, meaning victrons get to engage in heavy role-playing and banter, while thugtrons merely appear suddenly and dispense violence. In 2005, we showed "Some Like it Hot" the night before the Massacre in order to set the tone.
The victrons should also pre-select a head victron, who will sit at the head of the table. The head thugtron will address this person, so the thugs need to know in advance who it is. In general the head victron plays the role of the host of the party, ostensibly the rival gangland warlord whom the mysterious "Big Al" is aiming to eliminate -- the backstory varies wildly in depth and detail with each Massacre.
The victron coordinators should also recruit someone to take pictures of the event. See if the Phoenix is interested in photographing the event, or perhaps making it a feature story (see Re-enactment).
Waitrons
The waitrons are in charge of preparing things for the victrons. This includes:
- Sending them nice invitations to the Massacre (a 'gala dinner' or some such). Dinner should probably start at 5, if everyone's dying at 6, so that people have time to eat first.
- Setting up and setting tables on the day of the Massacre
- Sharples opens at 4:00, believe it or not. Get there early to claim the long table (in front of the fireplace?) in the middle room.
- A tablecloth and candlesticks are helpful accessories. There should be an old, garnet tablecloth in George, which may need to be washed.
- If you can get the Sharples menu in advance, it's nice to have print menus on the tables. If not, they should go into the servery before the victrons get there, to find out what's being served.
- Live music would be awesome; a portable stereo playing quasi-period music would work, too.
- Waiting on the victrons in Sharples
- This involves taking orders (bring pens and notepads), carrying food, etc.
- Waitrons should wear nice black pants or skirt and a button-down shirt, preferably white. (Basically, waitrons should be clearly differentiable from other victrons, not that the thugtrons won't all know them.)
- Optionally dying (if shot at by thugtrons at 6)
Thugtrons
The thugtrons are the mafia members who get to do the shooting. (Yay!) One of the thugtrons, preferably someone who's been involved in previous Massacres and knows what's going on, should be appointed Head Thugtron (this position probably goes by seniority).
Ideal costumage for thugtrons is a trenchcoat, fedora, and leather gloves. Of these, only the trenchcoat is necessary. The head thugtron should make sure that every thug owns a trenchcoat or can get one. Also, every thug will need a loaded cap gun. SWIL owns a large number of cap guns, which are in George in a box marked "st. valentine's day massacre". Most of the black-and-brown and black-and-white guns work; most of the blue guns do not. The black ones look better anyway. The Co-op sells caps fairly cheaply, and replacement caps can be purchased out of the supply budget. (The dollar store on Chester Road does, too, but the dollar store doesn't produce itemized receipts you can give to Budget Committee.) It is the prerogative of the head thugtron to load all needed guns before the massacre, and to test one cap from each gun to make sure they all work. (This is a good idea, in addition to being fun, because sometimes they don't.)
The head thugtron should also arrange a meeting time and place for the thugs. If the thugs want to eat before the massacre, they should meet in one of the Sharples upstairs rooms no later than 5:30 (but they should be careful not to coincide with the victrons, who will be entering from upstairs somewhat before then). Otherwise, they can meet in Parrish Parlours. When they meet, the head thugtron should explain the procedure to the thugs, and everyone should get into character.
Prior to the meeting, the thugtron coordinator should go talk to the Sharples back door checker and obtain permission for the appropriate number of people in trenchcoats to walk into the middle room at 6:00pm without scanning their cards, put on a performance, and walk out again. The coordinator should explain either that the thugs will have already eaten or that they will come back and scan their cards, whichever is the case. I've never had any trouble doing this; the checkers are used to us by now, and you might even get large numbers of Sharples staff gathering at the appropriate time to watch the Massacre.
If you're having the meal in the big room the manner of entering the building is less important, and it may be worth it to avoid dealing with the checkers by staying inside Sharples. This seemed to work fine in 2007.
The Massacre
At about 5:55, the thugtrons should line up and start walking around to the back door of Sharples, generally fairly quietly. When the bell tower strikes 6, they walk into Sharples in single file, and arrange themselves in a semi-circle around the table. Some sort of banter should occur. The traditional banter is:
Head Victron: "What do you's guys want?" Head Thugtron: "Message from Big Al: die you gravy-sucking pigs!"
After this, the thugtrons should open fire, and all victrons should die. Some victrons can choose not to die immediately. The thugtrons should save a few bullets and keep an eye out for this occurrence. However, the end result should be that all the victrons die and none of the thugtrons die. Really, it's much more fun for everyone to do it this way. The waitrons are treated as victrons for these purposes, so they should die too.
The thugtrons should then walk around the table for a minute or so, pretending to check for pulses and so on, shooting a few people they didn't get the first time. (Note: the thugtrons should not fire caps at point blank range.) They should then walk out of Sharples in single file, and stay gone until sometime after the victrons get up. The victrons should remain on the floor for a few minutes until the spectators lose interest. The thugtrons should stay away until everyone has gone back to their dinners. Once the thugs return, the photographer should get a few pictures of everyone in front of the fireplace.
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